Most of us absorbed a message without words.
The body is low.
Desire is an embarrassment.
Holiness lives somewhere far above the marriage bed.
A kabbalistic letter from the thirteenth century says the opposite.
It is called Iggeret HaKodesh, the Holy Letter.
It is usually credited to the Ramban, though scholars today believe another kabbalist of that circle wrote it.
Its opening claim: union between husband and wife, at the proper time and with proper intention, is holy and pure.
One should not think there is anything shameful in it, heaven forbid.
God created nothing shameful.
The letter goes further.
It teaches that a husband and wife below mirror a union Above.
When a couple unites in love and holiness, they bring unity into the upper worlds.
Read that again if you were raised on shame.
The most mystical stream of our tradition does not treat intimacy as a compromise with weakness.
It treats it as a mitzvah that echoes in heaven.
Proper time, proper intention, love between the two of you.
That is the whole formula the letter asks for.
If nobody ever told you this part, I am telling you now.
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